


Gazing into Eternity

by Meles_Badger



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Depression, Gender Dysphoria, Other, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2661407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meles_Badger/pseuds/Meles_Badger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to popular belief, the Avatar is not a spirit going through incarnations and lending its powers to its host. No, the Avatar is an eternal being, condemned to incarnate themself and live in a different body each time since their creation. Now, they have incarnated themself into the young Korra. Here is some kind of story taking this what-if scenario into account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue : Gazing into Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this is my first fanfic ever. Usually, I'm not the kind of person who feels weel when they write stories about other people's characters but this what-if scenario really inspires me soooo... Here it is. It's just some kind of a draft (or a really tiny chapter anyway) for now, but I have ideas for other chapters (including a heart-breaking one between the Avatar and Katara /teasing). 
> 
> Don't know yet if this gonna be a continuous story or just random chapters but all of the chapters should take place during the first and second seasons for now (i'll probably change some things along the way like the identity of Amon and other things I did not like in these, I guess).
> 
> I would never have this idea without reading the fantastic books from the TTRPG series Mummy : the Curse (Onyx Path). Kudos to the writers for having written one of the most inspiring and best setting I've read as a tabletop gamer.
> 
> Finally, I'm French and I think I'm not so bad in English but this chapter has been translated from French so they could be some mistakes so don't hesitate pointing them out to me (or if someone is willing to translate any future chapters so I don't have to write them then translate them (since I'm more comfortable in writing in French first), I'd be forever grateful to them).
> 
> These notes are getting too long so I'm gonna put an end to them here. Enjoy. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, this is my first fanfic ever. Usually, I'm not the kind of person who feels weel when they write stories about other people's characters but this what-if scenario really inspires me soooo... Here it is. It's just some kind of a draft (or a really tiny chapter anyway) for now, but I have ideas for other chapters (including a heart-breaking one between the Avatar and Katara /teasing). 
> 
> Don't know yet if this gonna be a continuous story or just random chapters but all of the chapters should take place during the first and second seasons for now (i'll probably change some things along the way like the identity of Amon and other things I did not like in these, I guess).
> 
> I would never have this idea without reading the fantastic books from the TTRPG series Mummy : the Curse (Onyx Path). Kudos to the writers for having written one of the most inspiring and best setting I've read as a tabletop gamer.
> 
> Finally, I'm French and I think I'm not so bad in English but this chapter has been translated from French so they could be some mistakes so don't hesitate pointing them out to me (or if someone is willing to translate any future chapters so I don't have to write them then translate them (since I'm more comfortable in writing in French first), I'd be forever grateful to them).
> 
> These notes are getting too long so I'm gonna put an end to them here. Enjoy. :)

Southern lights were tearing the night sky with a thousand colors, reflecting themselves in an endless ballet over the snow which covered the great wilderness of the South Pole. Somewhere between those white and barren hills, a figure stood out, a tiny thing in that vast desert of ice.

As always, the cycle begins anew whispered a voice in the deepest parts of their being, or was it to the earth and sky ? The voice was quiet, calm yet a shiverring could be heard, like an uncertainty digging down deeper and deeper with each word.

The voice was low and the burden of the ages and rebirths marked each syllable, each gesture.

When they gazed into her eyes, Korra’s parents hardly believed their daughter was only six years old. One day, she was their happy and oh so precious child, the next, she had become the Avatar. The members of the White Lotus had explained that this sudden change in her behavior was normal, that Aang and all the previous Avatars had experienced such a transformation.

Still, deep down, Tonraq and Senna could not decide to understand. This child was not theirs anymore, Fate had stole her and shaped her in another being, so alike and yet so different.

Tonraq could feel tears running on his cheeks each time he looked at this fake Korra for more than a second.

The being who had still been Korra a few weeks ago watched each fragment of their body, trying to get used to this body which was not theirs, like each time, like always, forever.

In vain.

The being who incarnated themselves as Aang in another life noticed each difference with this new host, in an absolute silence. They felt their hair stretched behind their hair in some kind of ponytail, they felt the icy wind blowing on their thin yet hardy skin, able to endure the Pole’s cold, they felt the blood rushing in every part of their body. In the same way, when they was Aang, they could feel the air filling their lungs at any moment.

Humans were all so alike, yet so different. Where did this feeling come from ? This feeling which plucked at their throat, like a never-ending uneasiness, a nausea going back up their esophagus ?

They was human once, a long time ago, such a long time ago they had forgotten. Were they born male, or female, were they something completely different, like a spirit maybe ?

Deep inside, they could hear a voice, such a faint, pure and innocent voice, one which belonged to a child who had been robed of her life. A dozen of incarnations ago, they could have felt pity for her, now, it was just some static. In their mind, the closed the doors and trapped forever the child who would never become Korra in depths of their soul.

A tear ran down Korra’s cheeks as the entity recalled their previous lives and thought about their future. They could begin to feel the elements manifesting in their body : the wind which was blowing all around them, the water all around and inside them, the fire which burned in them, the earth beneath their feet. Like old friends, they gathered all around them and were trying to comfort the malaise in them.

The elements, the only friends they could count on. Humans were too deathful, spirits were too deathless. The elements were, simply enough, dying and being reborn, like the entity who called themself Korra now, and who called themself Aang, Rokku or Kyoshi before.

Now, they was Korra. She was Korra.

The young Korra, sitting amidst the snow, rose in a leap. She felt the blood rushing in her legs and warming them little by little. She had a mission to accomplish. One day. In a few years. And she must be ready for that day.

In the snowy steppes of the South Pole, a being older than time itself had incarnated themself in a young girl’s body, for so was the cruel and mocking game of Fate. Forever and as always.


	2. Book 1 : Void - Chapter 1 : Cold Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. Written directly in English.
> 
> A little bit of action at the beginning, nothing much but still. And for the moment, not much plot either but it should begin in the next chapter I think.
> 
> Not much to add, I hope you'll appreciate it

Fire was flowing through their veins, water boiling in their body and earth was flying under them. Korra was fighting with all their might against their two adversaries, jumping and crouching, launching blast of fire.

Jump, dodge, crouch, hit. Again, and again.

All their mind was focusing on the fight. They did not even see who were watching their every move from the side of the rudimentary arena. Katara probably - for whatever reason, she liked to watch Korra fight. And there was the envoy from Republic City too. There were surely some other people there but Korra was too focused on the fight at hand to really care.

In a fight, they did not have to think, and for ten years, it had been mostly what they lived for. They was the Avatar, the ultimate soldier or troubleshooter, according to the era. Occasionally, more that they was really willing to accept, they just had followed the orders, and sometimes, they followed their own choices. In either case, they killed many people, much more than the lives they had lived.

And each time, thinking of this made them sick, even when they tried to make up for it.

And each time, it felt like they failed anyway.

Fire crossed fire, but Korra was quicker and their opponent cannot stand a chance. He had been hurled back with so much strength that he literally flied all the way across the arena. Still, he was not some amateur and managed to land perfectly, ready to fight again. It seemed like the White Lotus had called real martial artist this time.

In a perfect synchronicity, as soon as Korra had kicked the first fighter, the second one appeared behind them. They felt a fiery punch just before their face, and they dodged at the last second. Unfortunately, they lost their balance at that moment and fell back as their two opponents decided to strike simultaneously.

In a split second, Korra focused on their right leg and made them crush the ground with all their mind, making levitate a rock they hurled forward to the opponent just before them. He dodged yet the rock still hit his shoulder and the martial artist let out a painful sigh. Then, they turned to face the other opponent. The man was quite burly, all veins and muscles but they both knew Korra was clearly able to outmatch him in a fair fight between elements.

So he had to play a dirty trick, if you could not outmatch an opponent, outsmart them.

The two fighters were walking in a circle, they kept a fair distance between themselves, watching each other and waiting. Korra quickly looked at their other opponent, he was on the ground, holding his shoulder. It was clear he could not get back to the fight. Well, that was one thing less to worry about.

While they glanced somewhere else, the fighter ran towards them, raising his arms, ready to punch. Blue flames were appearing on his fists, he was going for a clean hit. Korra took a defensive stance, ready to strike after blocking his attack. Yet, when they assumed he would attack, their opponent jumped and did a summersault, thanks to his mastery of firebending, passing behind them. Just as he landed, Korra could hear the crackling of electricity.

They had one second, two seconds at most, to strike before him.

They could not make it, fire and earthbending were too slow, and waterbending could not defend against an attack like this.

They was going to lose, unless... Korra tried to focus, to feel the air around them. Then, they crouched and give a low kick.

But nothing came out of it. No gust, not even a small breeze.

Their opponent jumped to dodge the kick, stretched their right arm and electricity arced towards them. Korra felt a sharp pain in their plexus, then in their entire body. It must have taken only a few seconds, but for Korra, it felt like an eternity.

They fell on the ground near unconscious.

« Enough » they heard someone say.

The time seemed to freeze. Everybody stayed still for a moment, then the Avatar heard footsteps coming closer. Korra tried their best to get up.

Suddenly, a bald man with a relatively long gray beard appeared before Korra. He wore a orange and yellow robe very reminiscent of Korra's previous life. He must be Republic City's envoy, thought Korra, My son ? No, Aang's son... Tenzin.

They would have loved to rush into their arms, happy to see another familiar face, but they knew they could not do that. They swallowed their tears back in their eyes.

The fight was over, they had to become the false Korra again.

She smiled ; strong and self-confident, that was how she was, that Korra they built ten years ago. Ten years already.

« Ha, he got me, » she snickered. « Better luck next time, right ? »

\- Trying to airbend while you did not learn how to do it was a reckless move. »

They knew how to do it. It just... they could not do it... But why?

« I... Sorry, I thought I could do it.

\- Well, it was just a training fight. And besides, your airbending stance was very good, I think I'll not have too much problem teaching you how to airbend, » he said calmly. « Come on, it's time to rest now. Mother, could you have a look at her. »

Korra did not look up, staring at the ground while she heard a all too familiar voice, a voice they had heard for dozens of years already, answered : « Of course, Tenzin. »

Katara and Korra walked silently along the corridors of the building. It was some kind of waterbending training camp, yet with a more military focus than others like it. Even with a world finally at peace, the relationships between a lot of countries were still very tensed. Many lands had proclaimed their independence after the fall of the Fire Empire instead of joining their former countries. It had not been without difficulty and since then, many countries were preparing themselves to fight, everybody thought a new war was unavoidable.

Korra was walking behind Katara, still looking at the ground. They could not decide to look at her. It brought fond memories to them, old, lost memories. They recalled how deeply they loved this woman, and how deeply she loved them. Yet, even if fate had rejoining them, Korra could never be Aang again.

They wanted to rip this skin, appeared as they truly were for the woman they loved years ago and still loved now. Even though, even if they could reshaped their face, their entire body... It would only be a delay. She was still alive for now... For now...

Their intimacy had been lost to Fate, a cruel destiny who had decided to punish the Avatar by joining them with the love of their past life with no way to tell her the truth. And they would probably watch her die in this life.

They felt a single tear running through their cheek that they quickly wiped with their hand.

« Korra...

\- Yes... Uh, madam, » she answered, unsure how to call her.   

\- I told you so many times, Korra, you can call me Katara.       

\- Yes... Katara. »   

The old lady stopped and turned to Korra. Her eyes seemed sad, yet, there was a smile on her face.

« You know, each time I see you, you remind me so much of Aang. The way you are, the way you live, even the way you fight. And also, just like him, you always seem sad, a deep sadness fills you like it filled him. I couldn't do much at that time except loving him with all my heart, and now, I still can't do much. I don't understand why he was and you are so full of sadness... but I still love you both from the bottom of my heart. »

Korra did not even feel their knees falling heavily on the ground, or the tears on their face. They did not feel the hands of Katara wiping their tears nor her kiss on their cheek. All they felt was that deep hollow inside their heart.

*

  
*           *

« Ha, Korra. Are you feeling better ? »

The cold winds of the ocean were quietly blowing on the docks. Behind Korra, the town was lying, silent and glowing as the night was taking over. Still, in the blue landscape, Tenzin's warm-colored clothes stuck out like a sore thumb.

« It's ok. I'm not a little kid anymore, this was nothing. » Korra answered with a big smile.

Tenzin did not smile back at her, with a grave look, he put a hand on their shoulder :

« Korra, you don't need to always act tough. You need to take care of youself. As the Avatar, you can't be that reckless and...

\- I know, I know. » I don't care...

The stern look of Tenzin eased a little : « Well, Korra, I know you know but I think it's still better to tell you. Come. The ship will go soon, your luggage has been already loaded. »

Tenzin did not wait for any answer and turned his back to her. Korra looked at the ship where he went to. It was a steel ship with an obivous military-focus ; Korra could see many redoubts for fire- and waterbenders, even in the twilight.

Waters were dangerous these days, or so it seemed.

« Korra. »

They heard Tenzin's voice and ran towards him, glancing a last time at the town behind them. Even if the lights and the stars were melting together in a fantastic landscape, the Avatar's only thought was towards Katara and their unavoidably dying love for her.


End file.
